In tantra, or in the greater left hand path current, there exists a concept which embraces the breaking of social taboos, or defying convention and tradition, to stare fearful beasts in the eye and to grab that beast by the horns. In this place of outlawry we can find spiritual honesty. We can in our forced exploration of our self revulsion, examine our judgements detached and objectively, forcefully, to achieve knowledge of self and enlightenment states, otherwise we face annihilation by our own hands if we find we cannot face ourselves once Pandora's box has been liberated of its contents. When we choose to become Dorian Gray, we are forced to evolve and reconcile our shadow selves and the personas, the masks, we choose to wear like heavy crosses that we all carry as 'civilized' men who are divorced by comfort and socialization from their lower, carnal, animal selves, and therefore spiritually incomplete.
It becomes interesting even more so when one finds oneself at a crossroads where you have become so identified with an alternative lifestyle or subculture that it becomes expected that you might continue acting in such a way, predictive, as superficially 'countercultural'.
For nearly half of my life at this point I have abstained from consumption of meat. I abhorred the factory farming practices and ignorant massive culture that shut its eyes the reality of what I saw as an unnatural industrial, horrific, industry that perptually grinded out animal life in a way that was so far removed from any semblance of 'nature' that I couldn't be apart of it. I found a copy of Peter Singer's 'Animal Liberation' in a thrift store at 16 years old and it changed my life. I saw myself living in a suburban and later urban environment where farms with livestock were rare, let alone anything that could even come close to realistically supporting the meat demands of my local population. I watched slaughterhouse videos and the documentary 'Earthlings' and it led me to be vegan for 7 years.
Most recently in the last 3 or so years I began working fish back into my diet due to increasing my interest in physical strength but more importantly feeling disconnected from the act of fishing with friends. I grew up on an island, long island new york, and if there was one natural source of food I knew it was the water that surrounded my home on all sides.
After several years of even this pescaterian diet influencing my life on many levels, over the past year plus I've began eating more diary and eggs. Especially as my training in the weight room has increased and my knowledge of fitness has grown.
Life, I will say is a learning and growing process, of gaining gnosis through experience. It is here upon which I return to my thought of this tantric, Aghori like concept, of breaking taboos in order to ascend to a next level of gnosis, of understanding, of power. To embrace chaos as it is absolutely essential to facilitate growth, strength, power, might... the magickal will!! Embracing death so that you might by contrast come to understand life! And then maybe you might not waste it like so so many do, nameless rotting in cemeteries, qulipthic, in Hel.
To live among the dead, to turn your heart into a funeral pyre, is to hear the lamentations and regrets of the dead and the damned, those who never embraced their true will, and faced their fears, those who never dared to tread against the stream. Sometimes being a true outlaw means breaking your own codes in a manner that keeps you uncomfortable and leaves you vulnerable, and simultaneously gives a good fuck you to anyone who thinks they might be able to guess your next move or knows what you are all about.
Death comes ripping. Like flesh from bone.
I think I'll leave it at that.